{"id":15,"date":"2010-12-22T13:58:28","date_gmt":"2010-12-22T18:58:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jonathanbrooker.com\/x\/?p=15"},"modified":"2013-04-19T04:28:54","modified_gmt":"2013-04-19T04:28:54","slug":"three-of-the-dumbest-christmas-songs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jonathanbrooker.com\/2010\/three-of-the-dumbest-christmas-songs","title":{"rendered":"Three of the Dumbest Christmas Songs"},"content":{"rendered":"

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer<\/strong><\/p>\n

This classic makes the list of 3 dumbest Christmas songs from the very start. You know when Burl Ives almost sing\/speaks the \u201cYou know Dasher, and Dancer, and Prancer, and Vixen\u2026<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

I had to look the lyrics up online to even get that far. Truth is, I don\u2019t know all those reindeer. And most normal people, if given the pop-quiz would not know them either. Then why the heck does he assume we know them as though it\u2019s a given fact that all people know them? And then there\u2019s the real kicker: \u201cBut do you recall the most famous reindeer of all?<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

No. No I don\u2019t. I actually forgot that one. I\u2019m going to need you to help me out. I\u2019m going to need you to sing a full song about him so that I can hopefully remember who he is. I mean, I know he\u2019s the most famous reindeer of all. I know there\u2019s a whole movie dedicated to him. I know he\u2019s the only reindeer we ever really talk about. After all, he is the most famous reindeer of all, but I have no idea who he is. Charlie? Theodore? Andy? I\u2019m lost. No clue. Help please?<\/p>\n

Last Christmas<\/strong><\/p>\n

Some bands you can absolutely read by their cover. Wham! is one of them that you already have an idea of what you\u2019re in store for by looking at them. Anyhow, it\u2019s their infamous song \u201cLast Christmas\u201d that wins them a spot on the 3 of the dumbest Christmas songs list.<\/p>\n

Here it is: \u201cLast Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day you gave it away. This year to save me from tears, I\u2019ll give it to someone special.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

So there\u2019s a few questions I have for them: Last year you were just randomly giving your heart away? Also, how does someone give someone else\u2019s heart away? \u2013 I think I\u2019m getting lost. And what gets me is the decision they come to. Ya know what? This year I\u2019m going to change things and give my heart to someone special. Well there\u2019s a novel idea. But I\u2019m pretty sure you thought the person that you wrote this whole song about was special last year. I\u2019m pretty sure they would make the list unless of course they weren\u2019t special at all, in which case why are you singing a whole song for them?<\/p>\n

Wham! I demand answers.<\/p>\n

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus<\/strong><\/p>\n

I have nothing against Mommies. I have nothing against kissing. I have nothing against Santa Claus. I do have some real issues though with this song. Here we have a kid singing (rather happily, too) about his mommy kissing Santa Claus and we think it\u2019s cute. Aww, Dad has dressed up as Santa and he and Mommy are playing a little kissy-face on Christmas Eve as they put gifts under the tree. Again, I\u2019m ok with things mostly at this point.<\/p>\n

But it all takes a dramatic turn with the very last line of the song. You know what it is. \u201cBut I didn\u2019t know\u2026it was Daddy in disguise.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

Wait, wait. Son, young boy, little guy singing this song, you\u2019ve been merrily singing about this kissing session going on in your house on Christmas Eve that you\u2019re so happy about and you didn\u2019t know it was your dad that your mom was kissing? Umm, what is wrong up in your deranged little head that as a child you\u2019re ok with your mommy cheating on your dad?<\/p>\n

Are you seriously that greedy that you\u2019re thinking having two daddies and one being Santa Claus may not be that bad?<\/p>\n

Child, wherever you are, I\u2019m glad it ended up being your dad after all but I think you really need some counseling.<\/p>\n

So I hope you\u2019ve enjoyed this thoughtful reflection on some of the silliest Christmas songs and I\u2019m sorry that I\u2019ve now ruined these songs for you. Haha!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer This classic makes the list of 3 dumbest Christmas songs from the very start. You know Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonathanbrooker.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonathanbrooker.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonathanbrooker.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonathanbrooker.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonathanbrooker.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=15"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jonathanbrooker.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonathanbrooker.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=15"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonathanbrooker.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=15"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonathanbrooker.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=15"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}