Teens: 7 Ways To Keep Your Parents Off Your Back

After a couple of years in full time youth ministry I’ve figured out that teens don’t like having their parents on their backs. And that most parents don’t really make it their life mission to be a pain in the butt to their kids. (I know, rocket science here!) Usually it all boils down to misunderstanding, but sometimes you get to that after the doors have been slammed and the words have been yelled.

But if there were 7 tips that I could give to teens to help them get their parents off their back by building a healthier relationship with them, here’s what they’d be:

1.  Over-communicate rather than under-communicate.

The absolute #1 complaint of parents with teenagers is that they just don’t know what’s going on. Shouldn’t surprise you. It feels like an interrogation before you even leave the house sometimes. “Where are you going? Who’s going with you? When will you be getting there? When will you be getting back? Who’s driving? What exactly will you be doing?” And the questions go on and on. Next time you want to do something, before your parent even begins to ask questions, lay it all out there. Tell them all the details of what you’ll be doing. It may seem unnecessary to you, but it’ll not only communicate details of your plans to your parents. It’ll also communicate a real sense of maturity in you!

2.  Hang out with them.

Ok, maybe not your favorite of the seven. Then again, for some of you, maybe it is. Either way, put in some face time with your family and watch how that helps you have a better relationship with them. Too many teens think they’re better off just avoiding their family. Problem is that doesn’t work. Instead of avoiding them, try spending time with them to help them to understand you and maybe you’ll even start to “get” them a bit more too.

3.  Get them beside you.

Even literally, someone can’t really be on top of you if they’re beside you. It’s just really hard to do unless you’re some yoga pro or something. So if you want your parents to “get off” you then why not try getting them beside you. What I mean is, share with them what’s going on in your life. And also ask them about what’s going on in theirs. Make your parents your allies rather than your enemies.

4.  Honesty really is the best policy.

Doesn’t take a genius to figure out that you don’t trust people when they lie to you, so neither will your parents if you lie to them. Sure you’ll be tempted to bend the truth to get your way at some point, but just realize that you’re giving your parents a license without restriction to get right on top of your back!

5.  Know the buttons and don’t push them.

If you’re around someone long enough you start to figure out what makes them tick. You probably know what unique things irritate your brother or sister. The same goes for mom and dad. So you know that your mom hates when you raise your voice. As much as you may want to, keep your voice calm when talking to her. You know your dad goes ballistic when you haven’t taken out the trash. Remember, as best you can, to take that trash out. Knowing your parents’ buttons gives you keys to keeping things pleasant, so take advantage of those keys.

6.  Build up interest in your family bank.

Sometimes it’s not what you’re asking for or what you’ve done, necessarily, that sets your parents off. Sometimes it’s just that you’ve withdrawn more than you’ve really invested into the family bank. What I mean is, every family has this unseen bank where the good things you do and say go in as deposits and the bad things you do as well as requests you make can be withdrawals. Have you ever had your parents out of nowhere say, “You’re always going to _______’s house! Why can’t you just stay here?!” That’s a clue that your account is getting low and that you may need to make some more deposits before you try to get a withdrawal. Arguing at that point isn’t going to change the bank account. Only investing will.

7.  Serve.

We end with one of the most basic and (quite honestly) sure-fire tips here. It’s much more difficult for anyone (this includes parents) to be on your case when you’re serving them. 9 times out of 10, I bet you your parents are “getting on your back” because they feel unappreciated or disrespected. When you serve them you’re proving otherwise. Washing the dishes, helping your sister with her homework, taking the trash out, cleaning your room, helping to cook dinner, feeding the dog – doing these simple things proves you’re willing to help and that you’re not just looking for everything to be done for you. And that will most certainly help make your family environment better.

Teenage life is dramatic and difficult enough as it is. So it helps to have the best relationship you can with your parents. You can’t control what they do, but I think you can make it easier to get them on your side rather than on your back if you do these simple things.

These are some of my tips. Are there any that you have to share as well?