You know how this works, right? The breakup is clearly happening. Explanations are being made. Excuses being dished out. The one person in the relationship is being saddened to find out that things are coming to a close. But never fear! The line comes out that makes everything better.
“It’s not you. It’s me.”
We all know that’s just a cheesy line that usually either means nothing or is actually a bold-faced lie. And so that’s not how I’d like to use that popular phrase for our purposes here.
I think it could have some more power if only used elsewhere in relationships. In fact, this simple little line could save a lot of hurt and heartache if just used to determine something very important when it comes to relationships and sexuality. And considering I work with teens quite often I am continually trying to get them to communicate this in their life.
Let’s just get to it already!
It’s not you. It’s me. It’s my call to make on what kind of person I’m going to be. It’s not you who tempts me with this or that who’s to blame if I give in. If I give in to sexual sin (or any sin, for that matter) it’s my own fault. And so it is my freedom and responsibility to choose what I will and will not do. And who that will and will not cause me to be.
This also allows us to be more courageous in making decisions and setting standards that are different than most everyone else around us. Sure my friend may choose to say this, go there, be with them, and do that. It may seem strange to choose to live by different standards. But in the end, who has to deal the most with the results of what I choose to do or not do? I’ll give you the answer: It’s not you. It’s me.
What would it be like if we took greater ownership of our lives? What if we looked at temptation not as a tempting offer but as an attack on our identity that we’ve worked hard to develop? What if we stripped seduction of its allure and saw it for the wrecking ball that it is?
In the end, this kind of declaration is not about being over-confident or flippant. It’s about being responsible. It’s the incredibly unique quality in our day and age for someone to choose not to blame anyone else or anything else for their actions that they themselves choose. But for you and I to appreciate that we’ve been given freewill. And to use that gift intentionally to live truly free lives!